Loving Those Who Are Behave Egotistically Or Are Cold And Unfeeling

Why do we lose our love when others are behaving egotistically? What is the danger for us? We might answer that it is natural not to love an egotistical person. But what is our danger here? Are we losing self-worth, security, freedom, control or pleasure? Perhaps we are offended by our own egotism that reflects in the others' behavior?

If the others were five years old, would we be offended and outraged by their egotistical behavior? Or would we continue to love them, while we explained to them that this behavior is not pleasant and that we would prefer that they not behave in this way? We might even ignore them because they do not know better. Would we feel danger? Then why do we feel danger from an egotistical adult? What danger exists for us from that adult that does not exist from the child?

The answer is probably: No, there is no danger from an egotistical adult. Most probably we lose our love for egotistical persons, because we perceive them as "bad" and because they remind us of our own egotistical aspects.

We could love them even when they are egotistical and cold and uncaring once we realize that this behavior is a result of their fear, pain and inner emptiness. They cannot be happy inside to behaving in this way. They are lonely and not feeling love or unity with those around them.

They need our understanding and love - not our rejection and hate. We need to see them as children in need of love and understanding. We attract from others that which we perceive in them.

We are being asked in this case to connect with the divine consciousness behind the others' alienated and suffering mind and love them regardless of their behavior. We are being asked to be bigger than our own personality and connect with our soul nature in order to perceive their soul nature and love them as they are.

That does not mean that we do not ask them to become more interested in others and make an effort to care for and respond to others needs. We can feel comfortable asking this, when we do not reject them but are sincerely seeking to help them feel better.

Loving those who ignore or do not respond to our needs

23. When they ignore my needs.

Why should others respond to or fulfill our needs? Why is this a prerequisite for us to love them? Why is this a prerequisite for us to feel that they love us? Are we always able to fulfill or respond to their needs? When we are unable to fulfill or respond to others needs, or choose not to, is it because we do not love them, or because we are obstructed by our needs, fears, and various inner obstacles?

Perhaps we can let go of this prerequisite for love and choose to love others even when they cannot or choose not to fulfill our needs. This would be a much higher level of love. Love without their satisfying our needs, such as self-worth, security, freedom, and pleasure - love simply for loves sake.

Loving someone who does not fulfill our needs is a wonderful opportunity to develop selfless love. This is our challenge in this scenario.

We often believe that others do not love us, when they do not respond to our needs. It may be that they do love us but are not able to respond because of their differing needs, values and perceptions or because they are controlled by various attachments and attachments. If we examine ourselves, we will find that we are not able to facilitate all of our loved ones needs, even though we do love them.

Again we have every right to communicate effectively and negotiate for what we need from those persons. But this can be done without the blackmail of withholding love if they do not respond. They are much more likely to respond when they feel that our love is there regardless of what they do.

From the book "Love is The Choice"
by Robert Elias Najemy

Robert Elias Najemy, a life coach with 30 years of experience, is the author of over 20 books, 600 articles and 400 lectures on Human Harmony. Download wonderful ebooks, 100's of free articles, courses, and mp3 audio lectures at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com. Find 8 of his books at http://www.Amazon.com.

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ADHD Students are Often Impulsive in Elementary School

Dealing with Impulsive Behaviors

"ADHD" children in elementary school tend to act without thinking first. Behaviorally, this shows itself in a lack of understanding of cause and effect. Attention Deficit students do things without thinking about the consequences of their actions. They say things without considering how others will respond. This really puts them on an island.

Research also suggests that attention deficit students in elementary school can often verbalize the rules in place for behavior but have difficulty internalizing them and translating them into thoughtful behavior. Difficulties in delaying gratification also add to the impulsivity. Which make the teacher have a hard time to relate.

Some clinicians believe that this lack of self-control (poor regulation and inhibition of behavior), rather than their ability to pay attention, is the main problem with ADHD. How can you help these ADHD students with their self-control?

By having attention deficit students in elementary school think \"out loud\" when they are problem-solving, the teacher will gain insights into their reasoning style and the process will slow them down before they respond impulsively. Or ask the ADHD student your question, but ask him not to answer for 15 or 20 seconds.

Quite often, attention deficit students will continue to have difficulty with certain types of interactions on a regular basis; difficulty in taking turns, over-interpreting others\' remarks as hostile, personalizing others\' actions excessively, and misreading social cues. With the help of your ADHD student, his school teacher, and his trusted peers, problems that happen over and over again can be identified.

Role-play the problems, and possible solutions, ahead of time. Use his friends to help in the role-playing. Have your ADHD student practice these responses during the school day and have him and others give you feedback on their success.

Teach your attention deficit students in elementary school to \"Stop and Think\" before talking. This will help him to learn to slow down before talking. Encourage thoughtful responding and decrease impulsivity by waiting 10 to 15 seconds to receive responses during whole group instruction.

Keep the classroom behavior rules in elementary school simple and clear. Have the class agree on what the rules should be. Define and review classroom rules each day.

Implement a classroom behavior management system. Actively reward the behaviors that you want the students to do. Focus on the positive.

More tips to increase self-control with ADHD students in elementary school...

Use a kitchen timer to indicate periods of intense independent work and reinforce the class for appropriate behavior during this period. Start with brief periods (5-10 minutes) and gradually increase the period as the class demonstrates success. When necessary, develop contracts with an individual student and her/his parents to reinforce a few specific behaviors.

Set hourly, daily, weekly, or monthly goals depending on the reinforcement needs of the ADHD student. Provide frequent feedback on the attention deficit student\'s progress toward these goals.

Provide a changing array of backup rewards or privileges so that ADD ADHD students do not \"burn out\" on a particular system. For example, students can earn tickets for a daily or weekly raffle for the display of positive behavior.

To improve out-of-the-classroom behavior, allow the class to earn a reward based on he compliments they receive on their behavior from other teachers, lunchroom staff, playground aides and principals.

Avoid giving the whole class negative consequences based on the ADHD child\'s behavior. The Attention Deficit child, as well as the whole class, can benefit from implementation of social skills curriculum for the entire class.

Modeling and requiring the children to use a systematic method of talking through classroom conflicts and problems can be particularly valuable for the ADD ADHD child.

Praise specific behaviors. For example, \"I like how you wrote down all your assignments correctly,\" rather than, \"Good boy!\"

Use visual and auditory cues as behavioral reminders. For example, have two large jars at the front of the room, with one filled with marbles or some other object. When the class is behaving appropriately, move some marbles to the other jar and let the students know that when the empty jar is filled they can earn a reward.

Frequently move about the room, manage by \"walking around.\" When you catch your ADD ADHD student working on-task, reward him with a simple wink or smile. \"I like the way that you are working hard\" goes a long way with Attention Deficit students.

With students who can be quite volatile and may initially refuse negative consequences (such as refusing to go to time-out), set a kitchen timer for a brief period (1-2 minutes) after refusal has occurred. Explain to the child that the child can use the two minutes to decide if she/he will go to time out on her/his own or if more serious consequence must be imposed.

Several experienced teachers insist this method has successfully reduced the extent to which they have had to physically enforce certain negative consequences with students and seems to de-escalate the situation.

http://www.adhdandme.com

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